"Your Wife Has Cancer..."

Four words that changed my life!

I was absolutely certain that my wife, Sandie, would outlive me.

It was supposed to happen that way. Men always died at a younger age. Life has a funny way of throwing you for a loop. In 1989 I was to find out how big a loop it could be.

Diagnosed with sarcoma of the lungs, a rare form of cancer, this once vibrant woman who had been my beloved wife and partner fought her disease for two years. Throughout that time I silently suffered alongside her.

Unless you have been through it, you can't begin to understand how cancer can change how you look at life. Whether you have the disease or are a caregiver for someone who suffers from it - it brings unanticipated changes.

The first feeling is similar to being hit by a brick. You are hurt and it stuns you. You try to figure out who threw it so you can throw it back... but nobody's there.

You talk to the doctors and begin to ask questions...

"Where did this come from?"

"How bad is it?"

"What are 'we' going to do?"

"What are the options for treatment?"

"Has it spread? Doesn't cancer always spread?"

You realize you don't have all the answers... and neither does the doctor! He is more knowledgeable than you are, but he speaks in guesses and probabilities.

You begin to say to yourself, "He can't be right. Where do I turn to for a second opinion?"

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Go here to find out where and what to ask!

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Being a man, it is very frustrating to be in a position where you can't negotiate a resolution or make perfect decisions or be able to "fix" a problem. And having a wife with cancer is a BIG problem!You are going to have to deal with it. For some men, it becomes a matter of faith; for some, denial is easier, whether by ignoring it or by finding distractions; for others, it's a never-give-up battle.

However you deal with it, the problem isn't going away.

It takes a while, but you begin to face that it's something beyond your ability to fix. It's in the hands of the doctors and any higher power you believe in.

Life goes on, even though you you want to go back to a time when this wasn't happening. You still have to go to work to pay the bills. If you have children at home, they still have to be taken care of.

You begin to realize all of the little things - the errands... the wash... the kid's soccer games - that you only occasionally participated in before have now fallen on your shoulders as your wife undergoes chemotherapy and no longer has the strength.

Whether she has chemo or radiation treatments or neither, she is under tremendous stress, wondering if she is going to be cured and how long she might have left to live. Her energies and efforts are going into fighting for her life. Everyone's attention is on her - and you are ignored.

If you are lucky, you have friends who step in and help. But after a while, even a best friend gets tired of giving you support. It's ultimately your job to see that everything is taken care of... and it's tough when you are under tremendous emotional strain.

Now that your wife has cancer, your job becomes tougher.

Between the emotional stress and the physical demands, you may find it hard to handle. Don't worry! Every important thing that needs to be done will get done.

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Find out how to see that everything gets done!

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If you love your wife - and I assume you do - you want the best treatment available to help her in beating this thing. There are many new discoveries being made all the time, and you want to make sure the doctor treating your wife has kept up with these discoveries.

When my wife was diagnosed, all I knew was that cancer was a bad thing. The doctor didn't hold out much hope because of the type and extent of the cancer when it was found. I assumed he knew what he was talking about. After all, he was a doctor!

What I have discovered in reading a lot of scientific papers over the years since my wife's diagnosis, is that there are now therapies which would have been far less uncomfortable and perhaps even more successful in battling her disease. This is where asking doctors - both your wife's and others - about the alternatives becomes important.

Don't be afraid to be your wife's advocate. Ask questions until you understand what you are both up against. It will make you feel better by doing something instead of standing around, feeling quietly helpless.

Your biggest responsibility is to give her support.

Cancer and its treatment can be devastating to a woman's appearance and to her psyche. Don't let this affect your relationship. She is the same woman you married. The same woman you love. Let her know that your feelings have not changed.

Your wife will appreciate your efforts to support her in her fight. Fighting this horrible enemy together can actually improve your relationship. Just understand that researching alternatives and supporting her with love are all you can do. You can't cure her!

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Find out where the best research and most advanced therapies are done!

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It may seem that your world is coming apart, but it only requires an ordered and compassionate viewpoint to steady it again.

Surviving Your Wife's Cancer reveals the discoveries I made during a terrible time in my life. It will provide you with the assurance that no matter what happens... love, patience, and a cool head can get you through it.

I survived my wife's cancer - you will too! I believe my story combined with snippets of wisdom will give you the confidence that - whatever the outcome - you will have done what you could.

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